Rumors equal raises. Big job openings, like the one at Penn State, means college football coaches are about to cash in.
Arkansas and UCLA hunting for coaches, too. Florida, Auburn and Wisconsin could open.
Eli Drinkwitz says ‘noise’ is college football’s biggest problem. OK then.
Does Eli Drinkwitz like money? Because, if Missouri’s coach likes money and wants more of it, this is how it works.
Rumors equal raises.
Drinkwitz grumbled this week about the college football rumor mill suggesting he’s a candidate for other jobs, while Missouri hunts a College Football Playoff bid.
“I think the No. 1 issue right now amongst college football is the noise that’s associated with people’s programs at all points of the season, whether good, bad or indifferent,” Drinkwitz told reporters.
If coaching hot boards and rumors amount to college football’s No. 1 issue, then life is good.
How’s a man supposed to focus on ball, when some outlet lists Drinkwitz among candidates who make sense for Penn State? (Drink does make sense for at least a sniff from Penn State, by the way.) Heck, I don’t know, maybe just don’t click, and focus on ball.
Drinkwitz moaned “there’s no such thing as journalistic integrity” on social media and Twitter is filled with “a bunch of bull crap.”
Duh.
If you go on Twitter looking for substance, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Delete your apps, do your job, let the rumors swirl, and let your agent negotiate for you a big fat raise (or get you a job offer). That’s the biz. And it ends with everyone getting paid.
College football coaching carousel about to get piping hot
This will be the wildest spin around the coaching carousel since 2021, a year that accelerated salaries, lengthened contracts and fattened buyouts. LSU, USC, Florida, Oklahoma, Oregon, Miami and Notre Dame hired coaches that year.
Now, James Franklin’s firing at Penn State is about to make a lot of coaches even richer — and not just the coach Penn State hires. A whiff of interest (real or imagined) from Penn State will help trigger a pay raise for coaches who stay put. A round of raises will reset the pay scale, and then even more coaches will cash in.
UCLA and Arkansas also are hiring. Florida, Auburn and Wisconsin could open in the weeks ahead.
What’s that The O’Jays sang? Money, money, money, money. Money!
And here’s Drinkwitz playing the world’s tiniest violin. Since the 2021 season, his salary has more than doubled. He joins Mississippi’s Lane Kiffin and Kentucky’s Mark Stoops as coaches earning $9 million who’ve never made the playoff.
Winning helps. So do firings and subsequent rumors.
Coaching searches result in raises and bigger buyouts
Here’s how it works: A notable program fires its coach. The fired coach receives a sweet buyout, aka failure money. Rumors swirl around potential replacement candidates. Agents gin up interest. Myriad coaches receive raises and fattened buyouts. The school needing a coach hires someone to a fat salary with a whopper buyout. Years later, that coach will get fired, collect his whopper buyout, and the process repeats.
Let me take you back to 2021. LSU fired Ed Orgeron less than two years after he led the Tigers to a national championship. USC fired Clay Helton, too. Multiple reports connected Franklin as a potential candidate for LSU and USC. Jackpot!
Penn State awarded Franklin a 10-year contract extension, increased his pay, and guaranteed he’d receive his full compensation through the end of his term whether he succeeded or failed.
Franklin’s teams struggled in 2020 and 2021, but no biggie, because rumors are gold. Jimbo Fisher and Mel Tucker also parlayed the 2021 rumor mill into monster deals.
That’s how $76 million and $49 million buyouts are born.
I’ll reiterate: Rumors equal raises. Next comes the failure money.
Fisher and Franklin got fired within a few years of their 2021 reups. They’re now the record holders for the largest buyouts in college football history. Tucker broke the mold. Michigan State fired him for cause, negating his buyout, for what it deemed his “inappropriate sexual behavior” with a woman who’s not his wife.
Athletic directors specialize in spending other people’s money
It’s as South Florida coach Alex Golesh put it this week: As a coach, either the rumor mill connects you to job openings, or you’re probably on the hot seat yourself.
Put differently, a coach is either on his way to a raise, on his way to a new job, or on his way to buyout bliss.
More than 20 coaches entered this season with a buyout that would exceed $30 million on Dec. 1. More than 30 coaches are earning at least $7 million in compensation this season.
Come next year, you better believe there will be coaches earning $10 million who’ve never coached in a single playoff game.
It’s a runaway train, in part because, unlike professional franchises, there’s no team owner evaluating the finances and running the operation like a business that demands profits. The athletics directors and school chancellors and presidents approving these contracts and buyouts don’t own the team. It’s quite easy to spend other people’s money.
ADs want to find a coach who’ll make them look good. If they think they can lure one in by spending money carefree, like a drunk on a bachelor party, they’ll do it, because it’s not their money anyway. If that coach shows he’s halfway to competency, the AD is happy to spend more of someone else’s money to fatten the coach’s salary to ensure he won’t fly the coop.
That’s the biz: Hirings, raises, firings, buyouts, rumors and whining, while everyone gets rich.
Keep up with the latest news and analysis from college football’s top two conferences: Check out our Big Ten Hub and our SEC Hub to get school-by-school coverage from across the USA TODAY Network.
Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network’s senior national college football columnist. Email him at BToppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on X @btoppmeyer.
